For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
To understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words -- "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
If all of the salmon that were caught in Canada in one year were placed end to end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
If you took all the students in the world and laid them down end-to-end, they'd be a lot more comfortable that way!
Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!"
I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe, "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
I bought a box of animal crackers. On the label it said, "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I checked. Sure, enough! Wouldn't you know it?
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money!
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